Tired. But we have to keep fighting, unfortunately.
I have been trying to figure out how to approach the utterly devastating confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. Once again, I was wondering if there will ever be any progress for women in a country that has only repeatedly shown that it doesn’t care about us. I listen to NPR every morning, and the piece was asking both conservatives and liberals their motivation for voting in the midterms. One particular conservative’s response has stuck in my head. He said because he didn't like how the Democrats were trying to discredit a respected judge with no corroboration to Dr. Ford’s claims. I cannot help but want to pull my hair out hearing that statement. There was no corroboration of her statements because the Republicans did not allow a full investigation into the allegations. The Senate pretty much stifled any real probe because they produced a list of people who the FBI could talk to and it excluded key people who Ford mentioned. Of course, it could not be corroborated; there was no real investigation done. And that is why the majority of the democratic senators (screw you Manchin) and any sympathizer to Ford are so upset. There was no due diligence done in the investigation of Ford's claims, and it was at the hands of Republican senators (and one democratic traitor [Manchin]). The senators who voted for Kavanaugh do not care about women. Obviously, I and millions of others are upset about this confirmation. I texted my boyfriend shortly after I heard the news and began to spew my anger, hate, disappointment, and grief. I was once again mourning for the future; I have done so perhaps countless amounts of times with this administration. The weight of the decision was like having a 300 lb lineman barrel into my chest at full speed. I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t want to move. The fear of this decision knocked the air out of me. All I could do was spill every vulgarity to my boyfriend. And he didn't say the most comforting thing at the moment, but he perhaps said the right thing: "There's nothing we can do about it now…The decision has been made…Let's fuck shit up this midterm." And he is right. There is nothing that my rage as one person could do at that moment. Perhaps the most frustrating part of politics is that the only way to "punish" your reps is by voting them out, and in Texas, that is a sad realization since we have one of the lowest voter turnouts in the country. Not everything is bigger in Texas, apparently. And I am not hopeful for this mid-term, even though I desperately want my hometown underdog Beto O’Rourke to own Cruz; even with O’Rourke’s surge in popularity, the chances are looking slim. This is what I am hopeful for; that we progressives don’t lose our fire. Although it seems that the better part of humanity is losing to the underbelly of humanity, things get worse, before they can get better. And it only gets better if the trodden get back up and refuse to be silent, to be complacent, and to accept what they find unacceptable. We have to fight on. And I know that can sound like some mindless Romantic bullshit, but when has any positive change come from sitting down, being quiet, and accepting the shitty hand dealt? No matter how much I want to throw up my hands and just stop fighting, I can’t. It may take my lifetime to see any progress, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try my hardest to make it happen.